the things you never knew you never knew

I’m a sucker for click bait. “See These 23 Celebrities as Kids!” Yup. Clicking. And about 14 celebrities in I’m like, “What am I even doing with my life? I don’t care about this.” … “You Won’t Believe What This Woman Spied on the Beach!” –”oh, a jellyfish. That was totally worth the 37 pop up ads I had to click out of to see the big reveal.”… “14 Things No One Ever Told You About Motherhood” – “You won’t believe incredible love that fills your heart for your sweet newborn. REALLY? Oh my gosh you’re right, I had NO idea that I would love my child.” #stopthemadness

SO here are some things I ACTUALLY didn’t know about motherhood (or life in general) in no particular order, and I just wanna know I’m not alone.

  1. After you give birth you might shake uncontrollably for a couple hours. Is this even a thing? Because I don’t even know. I just wanted skin to skin time without giving my newborn a brain injury from shivering so hard for no reason. Is it adrenaline? Shock? Just me? Probably. Okay.
  1. It’s possible to forget the last time you showered until you see how long your armpit hair is. YES THAT’S GROSS! And yet, here we are. And it’s happened. And I KNOW I’m not alone so don’t even try to shame me or give me the side eye. Hasn’t happened to you yet? Your time is coming.
  1. You will become neurotic about weird things. No, I don’t mean sanitizing toys or throwing out leftovers after a maximum of three days. I mean things like always wearing pajamas even if it’s 4,000 degrees during the summer time because if your house catches fire in the middle of the night you don’t want to rescue children in the nude and you’re not sure if you’ll have time to grab a blanket to wrap up in once you get outside. #survivalmode
  1. You can own a house, a dog, have two kids (or no kids, or any number of kids), a Roth IRA, a business, a solid laundry routine, menu plan like a boss, and still be like “Who let me become an adult?” I think this is why opposites attract. My husband is The Responsible One.

That’s all I got. I was on a roll and got interrupted because children. That was five and a half hours ago. But hey, I figure I’m in pretty good shape if there’s only 4 things I don’t know yet. Just kidding, do any of us REALLY know what to expect or even what we’re doing? No. So don’t pressure yourselves. I heard a mom once fret about giving her kid an oreo. Listen. I once fretted about giving my son an oreo….at 7:30AM. I just needed him to stop whining for a minute, okay? You can judge me. But as long as my kids are alive, well-behaved for 60-65% of the time we’re in public, and DHHS isn’t calling me, we’re in good shape here. Keep on keepin’ on, friends.

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