How to handle awkward situations like a boss.

Hey now! Is this blog not the most cliche thing in the world? Mom gets bored, starts a blog. Mom writes four things. Mom gets really busy and blog takes the back burner. Mom comes back and is all “oh my gosh can you believe I haven’t written a post since August!?” When you have thousands of hours on your hands- just scroll to the beginning of every mom blog ever written and I guarantee a post just like this is in there.

ANYWAY- I think I have a hard time blogging because most of my thoughts are more like tweets. Ironically, I’m not even super active on the Twitter, so there’s that. Like I’m not sure how to turn a grocery shopping trip in which I’m pretty sure I spotted Chris Pratt into a cohesive couple of paragraphs with an actual point.

However, it was on said shopping trip that opportunity presented itself. I was on the brink of losing my mind because trips into town require a delicate dance around nap times, meal times, and about to fall asleep times. The dance was over and when the curtain closes, it’s good (read: 100% NECESSARY) to have pacifiers on hand for the grumpy children in the car, who surely need food or sleep by this point. On this day, I had zero pacifiers and my annoying sing-songy mom voice wasn’t helping anybody. So like a normal person, I cranked up the music and prayed that everybody else on the road would drive a socially acceptable velocity above the speed limit so I could get home quickly.

Fast forward to me cresting the hill just before my house and what do I see but two unfamiliar, bobbing heads traipsing down my driveway. GASP!!!! Jehovah’s Witnesses. At this point both children were full on crying and their mother was about to start, too. But I took a deep breath, pulled into my driveway, and braced myself for the awkward conversation about to happen.

Nope. That did not happen actually. Because like a scared lunatic I DROVE PAST MY OWN HOUSE in order to avoid them!!! Who does that!? With CRYING children in the car!! And then in an adrenaline induced frenzy all I could think about was how far I would have to drive in order for them to not see me again (answer: a TON of miles, yay rural living). What kind of mom prolongs her children’s crying in order to avoid the two seconds it takes to say “I’m really sorry, I can’t talk right now, but come back later and we can talk about Jesus.”? –> ME. <– I ended up turning around a little ways down the road and hoped they wouldn’t recognize the only vehicle on the road that JUST drove past them 30 seconds earlier, praying they had walked far enough from my house to avoid seeing me turn into my driveway.

The Lord’s favor was upon me and I slowed down to skirt around them as they gave a little wave. What friendly people.